It just about defeated me. Motherhood the second time around.
With the first child, you have questions and wonder about every little detail. Is that color poo normal? Is she getting enough food? How much should she sleep?
With the second, those questions don't come up as much and I most certainly did not look them up in books this time. I just knew, it was more instinctive.
The questions that did come up were more unanswerable. What is WRONG with my child? Why does she scream so much? Why is she so unhappy? Will this EVER get better?
I very quickly claimed the mantra that "God gave us Grace so we would want a second right away and gave us Sophia so that we'd stop!"
I was beaten down, discouraged, and exhausted. Should I even mention how lonely I was? I couldn't go out- with or without Sophia, because she would scream like she was being hurt (and I suppose she was.) I was even given grief by people who wanted me to be out and about more often. It just couldn't happen.
And the jealousy. Yes, jealousy. Stupid, smiling babies with their even dumber, well rested parents. I couldn't even bare to get on facebook and blogs for awhile.
It had its beautiful moments. Breastfeeding has been easy. Grace is wonderful to Sophia and she has adjusted to having a sibling seamlessly. Ian is an amazing dad who helps out in every way he physically can. Our marriage become stronger because we were going through this together.
And the love I felt for Sophia? Immense. Unending. Singular since the moment she came screaming into this world.
I say all of this because I want to express the raw emotions that I have experienced with becoming a mother for the second time. There is a light at the end of the tunnel with Sophia's reflux issues and things are looking up, so I have the opportunity to sit back and reflect.
I hope other mothers know that not everything needs to be sunshine and roses. And that just because it is hard doesn't mean you are fighting postpartum depression (yes, I did get asked that.) And that just because it is hard doesn't mean you are a bad mother or that you don't appreciate your baby. The same thing goes if you ARE suffering from postpartum depression.
Will we have more children? Yes, most definitely.
Will we wait awhile? You could bet on it.
Will I be praying for it to be easier next time? Absolutely.
With the first child, you have questions and wonder about every little detail. Is that color poo normal? Is she getting enough food? How much should she sleep?
With the second, those questions don't come up as much and I most certainly did not look them up in books this time. I just knew, it was more instinctive.
The questions that did come up were more unanswerable. What is WRONG with my child? Why does she scream so much? Why is she so unhappy? Will this EVER get better?
I very quickly claimed the mantra that "God gave us Grace so we would want a second right away and gave us Sophia so that we'd stop!"
I was beaten down, discouraged, and exhausted. Should I even mention how lonely I was? I couldn't go out- with or without Sophia, because she would scream like she was being hurt (and I suppose she was.) I was even given grief by people who wanted me to be out and about more often. It just couldn't happen.
And the jealousy. Yes, jealousy. Stupid, smiling babies with their even dumber, well rested parents. I couldn't even bare to get on facebook and blogs for awhile.
It had its beautiful moments. Breastfeeding has been easy. Grace is wonderful to Sophia and she has adjusted to having a sibling seamlessly. Ian is an amazing dad who helps out in every way he physically can. Our marriage become stronger because we were going through this together.
And the love I felt for Sophia? Immense. Unending. Singular since the moment she came screaming into this world.
I say all of this because I want to express the raw emotions that I have experienced with becoming a mother for the second time. There is a light at the end of the tunnel with Sophia's reflux issues and things are looking up, so I have the opportunity to sit back and reflect.
I hope other mothers know that not everything needs to be sunshine and roses. And that just because it is hard doesn't mean you are fighting postpartum depression (yes, I did get asked that.) And that just because it is hard doesn't mean you are a bad mother or that you don't appreciate your baby. The same thing goes if you ARE suffering from postpartum depression.
Will we have more children? Yes, most definitely.
Will we wait awhile? You could bet on it.
Will I be praying for it to be easier next time? Absolutely.